From: rreid@rreid.mentorg.com (Richard Reid)
Subject: The Yard's in Bloom, again. (an essay)
Date: Thu, 20 May 1993 18:29:55 GMT

Let's talk about weeds for a minute. I 
was wondering around in the Wilsonville 
library a couple of weeks ago and came 
upon a book titled something along the 
lines of "Love Your Weeds." The 
author's premise stated that weeds are 
not just weeds but that they too are 
plants. I'm not so sure. 

In my yard alone I have field mint, 
morning glory, clover, moss, thistle, 
chick weed and some type of surface 
runner that reminds me of the milfoil 
we'd get tangled up in as kids from 
swimming in the lake during the late 
summer. And of course, there is the 
grandaddy of them all, the ever present 
and common Dandelion.

In my yard the dandelions are particu-
larly bad. To prove it, a common joke in 
our house announces that it is time to cut 
the grass whenever the dandelions are in 
bloom. Of course by then, it is raining, 
and so the grass must wait until either the 
sun decides to overcome the gray north-
west sky or until the clouds graciously 
hold back their rain like a mother holds 
her infant when he is hungry and there is 
no convenient place to nurse. 

And if this happens, and it rarely does, it 
is too late. The cessation of rain cause the 
dandelions to enter survival mode. You 
can tell when a dandelion is entering sur-
vival mode by the miraculous conver-
sion it undergoes from being a dainty 
yellow flower into a dainty puff of weed 
seeds.And as you can guess, when the 
grass gets clipped the weed seed is 
shaken from its' launching pad and para-
chutes around in the air like a saboteur 
looking for an arms depot. In my yard the 
arms depot is the vegetable patch.

I've tried a variety of things to rid myself 
of these subversive botanicals. I've dug, 
I've plucked, I've poured boiling water 
upon them like a medieval warrior 
defending the castle wall (A mans home 
is his castle). Once I even hypothesized 
that if I could prevent the yellow buttons 
from going to seed then in time I would 
eventually deplete the life cycle which in 
turn would start depopulation. I 
instructed my two year old. He ran 
around happily picking the pretty yellow 
flowers depositing them into a bucket. 
This lasted 30 minutes and a resulted in 
one bucket of deadheads and two days of 
green lawn.

 I've considered succumbing to chemical 
warfare. My extension agent claims that 
Weed-n-Feed, merely feeds the weeds. If 
it wasn't for the children, I'm sure I 
would throw off my Big-O organic man-
tle and apply lawn chemicals in the same 
manner the U.S applied Agent Orange to 
the jungles of Vietnam: enthusiastically 
and without conscience. But my con-
science tells me not to be so enthusiastic, 
not yet. 

I read once that dandelions, in their own 
Darwinian way, react to any condition 
that threatens their growth. For example, 
if you have a long lanky dandelion and 
cut it off about half way up the stem, then 
when a new flower forms it will only 
grow to the height from which the old 
flower was severed. if you do this repeat-
edly you will eventually see the familiar 
butter colored bud at ground level. 

This fact causes me to surmise that as 
dandelions struggle their way up the evo-
lutionary chain they will eventually be 
growing underground, remotely per-
forming photosynthesis and propagating 
the species with its usual characteristics. 
This new strain of dandelion will then 
quietly and unashamedly spread itself 
throughout the regions of the earth build-
ing it's population base to the point 
where it becomes a world super power 
and threatens the existence of mankind 
(why should we assume that dandelions 
be benevolent). All of this taking place 
underground and over a period of years 
that you as a home owner, having forgot-
ten the painstaking hours you spent dig-
ging, pulling, cutting and chemically 
removing these pest, will have no 
recourse but to give into their demands 
by releasing all potted plants, revealing 
your credit card numbers and granting 
first right of refusal for taking your 
daughter to the senior prom (Here, I 
brought you a corsage). 

I guess the choice is pure and simple: 
you can "Love your Weeds" (as future 
in-laws) or you can leave em! I think I'll 
leave em. Besides, it stopped raining, I 
have to go cut the grass, the yards in 
bloom, again.


-- 
Rick Reid 		
rreid@.mentorg.com  -- Mentor Graphics Corporation