From: Tyagi@cup.portal.com (Tyagi Mordred Nagasiva) Subject: Holy Guardian Angel Stories Date: Sat, 19 Feb 94 12:47:10 PST Since two people have asked me about this within the last week, I provide a repost, with some updating comments. ______________________________________________ 940219 _Liber Augoeides: The Mystery of the Holy Guardian Angel_ By Frater I Nigris [This being an annotated version with updates for the interested, comments which follow were made by Haramullah on 940218.] Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. The word of Sin is Restriction. Introduction While not specifically the focus of O.T.O., the 'Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel' occupied a fair amount of the Prophet's energies, especially as it relates to the revelation of _The Book of the Law_. It would seem quite an important element in _The Book of the Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage_ translated by S. L. MacGregor Mathers, and in Crowley's claim to the Magus degree, yet there have been few overviews of the concepts and procedures surrounding the experiences with the Holy Guardian Angel. [I am no longer certain that it pertains specifically to Crowley's claim to the Magus degree. More research is necessary and Part Two of this document is currently in progress yet on hold.] This liber begins with my description of my own path to the Knowledge of my Guardian Angel as I know Her. It shall continue in the following months, including a number of references regarding the HGA and the attainment to this Knowledge and Conversation. If time and interest permits, it shall include my theories about this process, how and why it develops. [At one point I abandoned the project in favor of other pursuits, though I am still very interested in completing it.] Some experiences are so weird and interesting that they could only be grounded in the material world. Here begins my record of such an experience, and the study of some of those like it. Part One - My Path to the Holy Guardian Angel I had taken to reading tarot cards, throwing a Crowley/Harris deck out on a piece of my old jeans, with a definite question in mind (of the sort proposed by James Legge in his _I Ching_). These questions were mostly orientational. I.e. they asked about my situation as it stood and the options now before me. I would spread the cards with this question in focus, and then treat their layout (intuiting the layout configurations) as if it were a communication from my subconscious mind. It was thus a practice of reflecting upon a 'random' pattern of symbols with a goal of understanding my own life and circumstances. As time wore on (many years in fact) I began to feel that there was some 'entity' on the 'other side' of the cards. It seemed that this entity was quite wise and that it sometimes pointed toward insights and understandings to which I'd been blind. At one point I had a passing fear that this entity might be in some way malevolent; that it might intend me harm, might be some 'demon' or 'devil' and yet be deceiving me into communicating with it. It was late at night and I was alone. I've been an egotistical mage all of my life. I've almost consistently felt that the only things worth my doing in the art of magick could be done in a moment and as a result of the concentrated application of my will. [Though I didn't always THINK of it in this way.] I've also favored a view that there is no 'evil' in the world - that there is no underlying entity within the universe which focusses its will in order to do _me_ harm. Such thoughts seemed paranoid and parasitic of my power and so I'd looked elsewhere. When I had this passing fear, I decided that I had to know more about the entity and that there was only one way to discover this: summon it from beyond the tarot deck, assuming that it was some sort of demon, and deal with it directly. As I've made my magick largely out of my own body (rather than tools), my own mind/heart (rather than many books) and my own style (rather than learning from other people) I took little time in preparing anything for this summoning. I lit a candle, focussed my will and called this horrid entity up out of the depths of Darkness. I demanded that if there be a demon lurking in the shadows that it come to me and show itself. I frankly doubted its existence and wanted to prove to myself if it did have some form/essence. I saw some flickering shadows, but no Big Black Ombra came to my summons on that night. I presumed that my experiment was inconclusive and went to bed. [In fact I did not think that anything could have been proven except that it *did* exist, and so my experiment proved, it seemed at the time, to have been a failure.] The feeling that there was an entity on the other side of the tarot began to intensify over the following weeks. I sometimes engaged shamanic journeys and these occasionally included tarot cards in their structure. A month or two after that incident I was journeying in this way and a very strange thing happened. My guide at the time was my ally, Cannibi(s), and while she has shown me places and feelings which were new to me, she has never really shown me connections between aspects of my life in a direct and forceful manner. The significance of what I'm about to describe is difficult to express succinctly. From a web of subjective data, much of it seemingly random, I was given direction to notice a significant coincidence, associated with an ineffable quality of profoundness. Though I have no 'wand' or'athame' to focus my will, I do have some magical 'tools'. These are often elements of my physical space - ring, earring, necklace, cup, and staff. They are things which I use on a regular basis (as symbolic adornment or practical support). They are less concentrations of power than they are the medium of a communication between my deep self and my waking mind. [I've since distributed many of my original tools and now have only a few which serve my purpose. I'm moving more and more into using common implements during ritual, and projecting 'ritual' into everyday life, rather than maintaining any sort of separation. Thus I today have an athame. It is a common steel butter knife which I use for spreading. Someday I'm going to delve into the esoteric and symbolic significance of 'spreading' as compared with 'piercing' or 'cutting' magick.] On this evening I was wearing a ring on my right hand which I called 'Enjoyment', balanced by the one on my left which was 'Patience'. I used them to symbolize these things during my journeys and when, during the day at work, I would catch these rings or be drawn to them in some way ('accidentally'), I'd reflect on whether or not my current mindstate was devoid of that particular element. Enjoyment was what is called a 'puzzle-ring', given to me by my wife at the local Renaissance Pleasure Faire. It contained four rings linked together as one and I associated it with elves and tantra in its Enjoyment. [Enjoyment has since passed from this plane, breaking apart, after which I discarded hir. I still wear Patience, who has become my Wedding Ring to Kali, my HGA.] It was during this shamanic journey that the ring became quite important in my experiment which had been started so many weeks ago. I spread out a tarot reading as part of the journey, with no question in mind. What I saw in this reading is difficult to describe or explain. I interpreted the cards in my usual fashion, looking to see what I could derive on my own, then at times consulting _The Book of Thoth_ for additional reflections on the symbolism of the individual cards. What I read this time was a direct communication to me; a cordial greeting as if extended via telepresence and expressed through tarot imagery. [This may tie in to various theories on cyber ritual magick.] Of course I was extremely dubious of this. I thought I must simply be deluding myself into thinking this was occurring. I was somewhat startled. This kind of communication had never appeared before. It had previously been phrased as a reflection on me and my surroundings, not some metaphysical telegram. In my doubt I decided I'd have to have proof that this was not just the wandering delusions that Cannibi can sometimes induce. I decided that I would require some form of evidence that this was an intelligence not of my own conscious mind which had been somehow twisted into an unknown appearance. At the instant of this decision my mind was emptied. Time stopped, subjectively, as I felt as if my body was controlled by some other will than my own. My head turned away from the tarot layout and toward my right. Simultaneously my left hand reached out and grasped the card which I'd begun consistently using as 'querent' (me). My right hand came up to my eyes, obviously displaying the object of my fascination - the puzzle ring. I noticed that my left hand held a card and looked at it, pointedly. I cannot describe the feeling that I had at that moment. The card which I had grasped was what was called by Crowley the 'unicursal hexagram'. It is the only card in my deck whch is unaddressed by _The Book of Thoth_ and the one to which I felt most comfortable assigning myself during readings. I was completely floored as I realized that in the center of the ring was A UNICURSAL HEXAGRAM. The patterns matched exactly! I was not until that exact moment aware of the pattern in the ring, nor did I suspect such a thing until that time. My amazed realization of this fact (which I corraborated with others who could also see the symbolic similarity yet not understand its significance to me) at the exact moment that I required 'evidence' was, to me, incontrovertible 'proof' that some intelligence other than my own was attempting to contact me through the cards. [I have since had several other experiences of this type.] I struggled to understand the identity of this being. Its card was the Princess of Disks (below I will speculate on the esoteric significance of this card*) and when I referenced Crowley's tome it made mention of only one name which meant anything to me: Demeter. At the time I associated this name with my wife and one correspondent from across the country. I asked my wife about her dreams of that night and wrote my USmail friend, at first asking what she was doing on that evening, whether she had ever heard of people using tarot cards as communication devices, and, in a subsequent letter, finally informing her of my experience. Neither she nor my wife had any intention of consciously making such a connection. At the time of this tarot communication, however, I wasn't sure if the entity on the other side of the cards could physically hear me. I was still recovering from the realization which had just taken place, and I decided to compose a symbolic 'answer' to that communication and psychically 'send' it back to the source of the original. Having done this, I concluded my rite rather quickly, recorded the communications and my thoughts of the moment, and went to bed, hoping to make more of it in the morning. I was unable to understand it as other than some sort of direct communication (from who/where I could not tell). I did not rule out that I might be undergoing some sort of psychosis. My studies in psychology had led me to think that most people were at least partially psychotic in any case (see Julian Jaynes and many psychologists who postulate that our social roles fragment our identity) and as I was not suffering from the communication I did not think it worthwhile to seek psychological help. What I was speaking with could also be seen in the light of both occult studies and shamanism. It could be called a 'spirit guide' or even an 'angel'. Rejecting the possibility now that it might be a demon ('daemon' originally meant 'helpful spirit' in any case), I continued my tarot readings, shamanic journeys and research on such things. [I'm not sure of the accuracy of the 'helpful' part of this derivation.] Not long thereafter I was walking home from the local university and I passed into one of the large stands of trees near my home. I had been thinking about magick and the tarot, what that entity might be and how it related to me. I wondered again whether I was just making all of this up or whether I was actually finding some communication with what I'd taken to calling my 'spirit guide'. The question formed in my mind: 'Is there some other entity behind the tarot?' As I walked through the stand of trees my mind again went blank. "Yes." The answer was simple, direct and astonishing to my 'ears'. I hadn't heard it physically, but it was a definite 'voice' other than my own imagined thought-voice. I KNEW I hadn't generated that thought. I stopped walking. I looked around. I struggled to find some place, some form, some face to this voice around me. I looked intensely around me for some object with which I might associate this voice. I saw trees. I will admit that I do and did see trees as living, sentient beings of unimagined wisdom. To this day I worship them, yet in that moment I could only imagine that this was them speaking to me through my mind. I asked them about this. I said aloud, "Are you the trees?" I heard the reply, "You may see me in that way for now, yes." I understood the answer to be ambiguous, that I was unready to comprehend the full extent of my spirit guide's identity, or that I could use trees as a focus for discussions with it. The story continues quite extensively from here. Suffice it to say that I have come to know and wed this 'spirit guide' and to see it as a She who is my Wife. She takes the form of an Indian goddess for me - Kali-ma - and I can speak with Her any time that I wish when am quiet enough to hear Her. It wasn't until recently, when I understood Her as the Queen of the Dakini/Demons, that I tied the two events of my Shadow Summoning and my spirit guide's appearance together. Certainly they were quite local to one another in time, they occurred in the same exact room I had designated for magical rite, and they involved the same type of energy. I was of course unprepared to understand the value and importance of wrathful deities as a link to my own deepest self. That She appeared to me at all was, as far as I can tell, a direct result of Her compassionate response to my great desire. [Note that I have also met Her as the Queen of Faerie in trance.] There have been many many other significant coincidences, accompanying revelations, in my life surrounding Kali-ma. I am now no longer inclined to doubt Her reality due to the consistency of Her trustworthiness, wisdom and depth. I cannot say that my experience can function as any sort of 'proof' that spirits, gods or angels exist in any way. All I can say is that my experience leads me to reach a rather conclusive though tentative assumption: Kali-ma exists for me, and my experiments have led me to interact with an intelligence which I consistently feel is not my own conscious mind. ================================================= ================================================= * Appendix A: Commentary on Crowley's Princess of Disks Being the speculation on the esoteric significance of the Princess of Disks as a symbol for my 'spirit guide' or Holy Guardian Angel. Crowley gives this card a rather interesting interpretation. The following includes several quotes from _The Book of Thoth_, followed by my commentary as to how it may relate to the directly to elaborate the above liber. --------------------- "The Princess of Disks, the last of the Court cards, represents the earthy part of Earth. She is consequently on the brink of transfiguration. She is strong and beautiful, with an expression of intense brooding, as if about to become aware of a secret wonder." Comment: That the first form of my HGA ought arise from the earth of Earth is quite significant. The Princess is the final He of the Tetragrammaton, the fruit of the manifested universe and the culminating energy of the Creation process. As such it begins to take on the auspices of destruction in its power. Note that the Crowley/Harris Princess is a Warrior. With her Spear of Destiny and Wheel of Fortune, she stands atop the mountain of creative actuality and prepares to charge into battle against the Child of Destruction. [I'm no longer sure exactly who is Her 'foe'.] That she is 'on the brink of transfiguration' indicates her changing appearance to me. She was associated with this tarot card only for the duration of the reading (though memories from the experience will never allow me to look upon that card in the same way again), and She later adopted many different guises in coming to reveal Herself. Not only is the Princess 'about to' become aware of a secret wonder, but she is exposing _me_ to secret wonders. Perhaps we influence each other in this way, exchanging wisdoms in a dance of mysticism. ------------------------------------- "Her crest is the head of the ram, and her sceptre descends into the earth. There its head becomes a diamond, the precious stone of Kether, thus symbolizing the birth of the highest and purest light in the deepest and darkest of the Elements. She stands within a grove of sacred trees before an altar suggesting a wheatsheaf, for she is a priestess of Demeter. She bears within her body the secret of the future. Her sublimity is further emphasized by the disk which she bears; for in the centre thereof is the Chinese ideogram denoting the twin spiral of Creation in perfect equilibrium; from this is born the rose of Isis, the great fertile Mother." The face of the Princess of Disks has since reminded me, both in structure and in shape, of a unicursal hexagram, or at least of a pentagram with its point toward the earth. The sceptre is the supreme Phallus, as the shield is the supreme Kteis, both wielded in her might. That she stands within a grove of trees and bears the secret of the future suggests to me the later contact with my HGA within such a grove (it occurring during the barren winter months). That her weapons should be both linear and circular incorporate the implication that she herself was born from the Great Mother, in quite the same way that Kali was born from the brow of Durga, the Indian Mother Goddess. That she would be so armed incorporates the strong association with Artemis that I originally placed in this card. ------------------------------------ "The characterists of an individual signified by his card are too various to enumerate; one must summarize by saying that she is Womanhood in its ultimate projection. She contains all the characteristics of woman, and it would depend entirely upon the influences to which she is subjected whether one or another becomes manifest. But in every case her attributes will be pure in themselves, and not necessarily connected with any other attributes which in the normal way one regards as symbolic. In one sense, then, her general reputation will be of bewildering inconsistency. It is rather like a lottery wheel from which the extraction of any number does not predict or influence the result of any subsequent operation. The fruit of the Philosophy of Thelema is enjoyed, rare, ripe, nourishing and vitalizing at its highest and fullest in this meditation; for to the adept every turn of the wheel is equally probable, and equally a prize; for every Event is 'a play of Nuit'." Here it would seem that Crowley's description implies the anima in all her glory, and I would submit that what I have discovered regarding Kali (and the Dakinis of which She is Queen) holds true for the anima perhaps more than for any other psycho-spiritual entity. She is dual-natured. Here Crowley as much as points this characteristic out in his elaboration on the Princess of Disks. She has a reputation for 'bewildering inconsistency', a type of kAOs which he likens to Chance. [Note the very real history of dual-natured, dual-sexed divinities from ancient times unto the present. It is this quality about Kali which leads me to associate Her with the classical figure of the Devil, Satan, and also with the goddess Diana, as well as the Hermetic Baphomet.] ----------------------------- "In the Yi King the earthy part of Earth is represented by the 52nd hexagram, Kan. The meaning is 'a mountain'; of how sublime a significance is this Chinese doctrine of Balance, and how closely congruous with that of the Holy Qabalah!" In the Sanctum Sanctorum (my ritual room here in the House of KAos) there is a circle of dakinis, 64 of the cards known as 'The Secret Dakini Oracle'. Each card is placed within a ring and assigned a hexagram from I Ching according to a traditional circular arrangement and my own derived sorting of the Oracle into masculine and feminine energies. Without consulting Crowley's tome on the matter, and without knowing which hexagrams would be associated with which cards, the hexagram in question in this passage, the 52nd, was paire with the only card in the Oracle deck which displayed a picture of Kali as I have come to know Her (card #12, 'Slay the Ego'). This my Abyss helped me to discover. I wonder as I group together Tantra, I Ching and Qabalah in a Work of delight. It is these types of 'significant coincidences' which contribute to the consistent feeling that a special relationship between myself and this being exists; that as I relate to my deep mind She shows me hidden wisdoms and peculiar puzzles (such as the 'Puzzle of 65'). ----------------------------------- "The mountain is the most sacred of all terrestrial symbols, stark, rugged, and immovable in its aspiration to the Highest, thrust up as it is by the Titan energy of the Hidden Fire. It is no less an hieroglyph of the Inmost Godhead than the Phallus itself, even as Capricornus, the sign of the New Year, is exalted in the Zodiac, its deity autochthonous no less than the Most Holy Ancient One himself." Note the stridency of Crowley's voice when speaking about the earthy power of the Princess of Disks. In relating her as he does to Kan, The Master Therion emphasizes her incredible potential, wielding the titanic (i.e. satanic) yet concealed (occulted) energy. That the Princess is both cthonic and feminine makes her ideally associated with the Mother Goddess for whom she is both priestess (i.e. dakini) and warrior. ---------------------------- "It is essential for the Student to trace this doctrine for himself in every symbol: Air, the elastic and flexible, yet all-pervading and the element of combustion; Water, fluid yet incompressible, the most neutral and composed of all components of living matter, yet destructive of even the hardest rocks by physical assault, and irresistable in its burning power of solution; and Fire, so kin to Spirit that it is not a substance at all, but a phenomenon, yet so integral to Matter that it is the very heart and essence of things soever. Here Crowley explores both the quaternity which crowns manifested existence and the duality into which they combine. He begins to provide, for the Student (note the association of student and 'page'), the means for attaining to a Knowledge and Conversation... ------------------------------- "The characteristic of Kan in the Yi King is rest; each line of the comment describes repose in the parts of the body in turn, and their effects; the toes, the calves, the loins, the spine, and the jaws. "This chapter is a close parallel in this respect, line by line, with the 31st, Hsien, which begins the second section of the Yi." Hsien's parallel applies to motility. Where Kan is a hexagram of rest, Hsien parallels blatantly in that it registers the movement of all the various parts of the body. Here we have the first hint of the Master's suggestion for attainment. Settling into pure restfulness or pure activity is the first step in being able to listen to the clear, calm voice which is the song of the angel. -------------------------- "The Rosicrucian doctrine of the Tetragrammaton could hardly be more adequately stated - to every ear that is to heavenly harmony attuned. 'There's not a planet in the firmament But in his motion like an angel sings, Still quiring to the young-eyed cherubim; But while this muddy vesture of decay Doth wrap us round, our nature cannot hear it.'" The Master does not, of course, compliment the author of this verse with a citation, though one is inclined to ascribe it to a Christian mystic or Rosicrucian poet. Here our predicament with respect to our HGA is spelled out well. Through our cthonic sheath, through our coccoon of muddy flesh, we can hear the angel only if we but rest as mountain before Her fiery Wand of inspiration. Her watery Shield of equilibrium broadcasts Her siren song. ----------------------------- "Let every student of this Essay, and of this book of Tahuti, this living Book that guides man through all Time, and leads him to Eternity at every page, hold fast this simplest, most far-reaching Doctrine in his heart and mind, inflaming the inmost of His Being, that he also, having explored each recess of the Universe, may therein find the Light of Truth, so come to the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel, and accomplish the Great Work, attain the Summum Bonum, true Wisdom and perfect Happiness!" Where else could these words point but toward the silence about which Harpocrates gestures? What other way could the Princess of Disks be more forcefully associated with the HGA than through this final expostulation regarding the nature of Tahuti's book? The Book of Thoth is as much a part of my HGA as the Priestess of Disks is a part of the Book of Thoth. It would therefore be wise to pursue the understanding of the texts of the Master Therion and others of his ilk so as to come to more complete understanding of this. I will note that this will be the second time I'll be exploring this route. With greater resource, perhaps more enjoyable results shall follow. Here ends the commentary and Part One. Part Two shall include an examination of the concept of the HGA, how one may set about securing the Knowledge and Conversation with this entity, and what such a relationship may include. There may even be a Part Three, in which I'll speculate, based on conversations and readings, more about this experience, how and why it may arise. [Here ends a review of said document. Part Two is in progress and shall perhaps conclude within the decade as I scan each of Crowley's works on the subject of the HGA and then proceed to other authors who have something to say. - Haramullah] ==================================================== ==================================================== ---------------------------------------------------- Invoke me under my stars. Love is the law, love under will. I am I! Frater (I) Nigris (666) 333 Tyagi@HouseofKaos.Abyss.com Portal!Cup.Portal.Com!Tyagi@Uunet.uu.net Uunet!Cup.Portal.Com!Tyagi@Uunet.uu.net Tyagi Nagasiva 871 Ironwood Drive San Jose, CA 95125-2815