From: Tyagi@cup.portal.com (Tyagi Mordred Nagasiva)
Subject: Holy Guardian Angel Stories
Date: Sat, 19 Feb 94 12:47:10 PST
Since two people have asked me about this within the last week, I
provide a repost, with some updating comments.
______________________________________________
940219
_Liber Augoeides: The Mystery of the Holy Guardian Angel_
By Frater I Nigris
[This being an annotated version with updates for the interested,
comments which follow were made by Haramullah on 940218.]
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
The word of Sin is Restriction.
Introduction
While not specifically the focus of O.T.O., the 'Knowledge and Conversation
of the Holy Guardian Angel' occupied a fair amount of the Prophet's
energies, especially as it relates to the revelation of _The Book of the Law_.
It would seem quite an important element in _The Book of the Sacred Magic
of Abramelin the Mage_ translated by S. L. MacGregor Mathers, and in Crowley's
claim to the Magus degree, yet there have been few overviews of the concepts
and procedures surrounding the experiences with the Holy Guardian Angel.
[I am no longer certain that it pertains specifically to Crowley's claim to
the Magus degree. More research is necessary and Part Two of this
document is currently in progress yet on hold.]
This liber begins with my description of my own path to the
Knowledge of my Guardian Angel as I know Her. It shall continue in the
following months, including a number of references regarding the HGA and
the attainment to this Knowledge and Conversation. If time and interest
permits, it shall include my theories about this process, how and why it
develops.
[At one point I abandoned the project in favor of other pursuits,
though I am still very interested in completing it.]
Some experiences are so weird and interesting that they could only be
grounded in the material world. Here begins my record of such an experience,
and the study of some of those like it.
Part One - My Path to the Holy Guardian Angel
I had taken to reading tarot cards, throwing a Crowley/Harris deck
out on a piece of my old jeans, with a definite question in mind
(of the sort proposed by James Legge in his _I Ching_). These
questions were mostly orientational. I.e. they asked about my
situation as it stood and the options now before me.
I would spread the cards with this question in focus, and then
treat their layout (intuiting the layout configurations) as if it
were a communication from my subconscious mind. It was thus a
practice of reflecting upon a 'random' pattern of symbols with a goal
of understanding my own life and circumstances.
As time wore on (many years in fact) I began to feel that there
was some 'entity' on the 'other side' of the cards. It seemed
that this entity was quite wise and that it sometimes pointed
toward insights and understandings to which I'd been blind.
At one point I had a passing fear that this entity might be in
some way malevolent; that it might intend me harm, might be some
'demon' or 'devil' and yet be deceiving me into communicating with
it. It was late at night and I was alone.
I've been an egotistical mage all of my life. I've almost
consistently felt that the only things worth my doing in the
art of magick could be done in a moment and as a result of
the concentrated application of my will.
[Though I didn't always THINK of it in this way.]
I've also favored a view that there is no 'evil' in the world -
that there is no underlying entity within the universe which
focusses its will in order to do _me_ harm. Such thoughts seemed
paranoid and parasitic of my power and so I'd looked elsewhere.
When I had this passing fear, I decided that I had to know more about
the entity and that there was only one way to discover this: summon
it from beyond the tarot deck, assuming that it was some
sort of demon, and deal with it directly.
As I've made my magick largely out of my own body (rather than tools),
my own mind/heart (rather than many books) and my own style (rather than
learning from other people) I took little time in preparing anything
for this summoning. I lit a candle, focussed my will and called this
horrid entity up out of the depths of Darkness.
I demanded that if there be a demon lurking in the shadows that it
come to me and show itself. I frankly doubted its existence and wanted
to prove to myself if it did have some form/essence. I saw some flickering
shadows, but no Big Black Ombra came to my summons on that night. I
presumed that my experiment was inconclusive and went to bed.
[In fact I did not think that anything could have been proven except that
it *did* exist, and so my experiment proved, it seemed at the time, to
have been a failure.]
The feeling that there was an entity on the other side of the tarot
began to intensify over the following weeks. I sometimes engaged
shamanic journeys and these occasionally included tarot cards
in their structure. A month or two after that incident I was
journeying in this way and a very strange thing happened.
My guide at the time was my ally, Cannibi(s), and while she has
shown me places and feelings which were new to me, she has never
really shown me connections between aspects of my life in a direct
and forceful manner.
The significance of what I'm about to describe is difficult to
express succinctly. From a web of subjective data, much of it
seemingly random, I was given direction to notice a significant
coincidence, associated with an ineffable quality of profoundness.
Though I have no 'wand' or'athame' to focus my will, I do have
some magical 'tools'. These are often elements of my physical
space - ring, earring, necklace, cup, and staff. They are things
which I use on a regular basis (as symbolic adornment or practical
support). They are less concentrations of power than they are
the medium of a communication between my deep self and my waking
mind.
[I've since distributed many of my original tools and now have only a
few which serve my purpose. I'm moving more and more into using
common implements during ritual, and projecting 'ritual' into
everyday life, rather than maintaining any sort of separation.
Thus I today have an athame. It is a common steel butter knife
which I use for spreading. Someday I'm going to delve into the
esoteric and symbolic significance of 'spreading' as compared
with 'piercing' or 'cutting' magick.]
On this evening I was wearing a ring on my right hand which I
called 'Enjoyment', balanced by the one on my left
which was 'Patience'. I used them to symbolize these things
during my journeys and when, during the day at work, I would
catch these rings or be drawn to them in some way
('accidentally'), I'd reflect on whether or not my current
mindstate was devoid of that particular element.
Enjoyment was what is called a 'puzzle-ring', given to me by my
wife at the local Renaissance Pleasure Faire. It contained
four rings linked together as one and I associated it with
elves and tantra in its Enjoyment.
[Enjoyment has since passed from this plane, breaking apart,
after which I discarded hir. I still wear Patience, who has
become my Wedding Ring to Kali, my HGA.]
It was during this shamanic journey that the ring became quite
important in my experiment which had been started so many weeks
ago. I spread out a tarot reading as part of the journey, with
no question in mind.
What I saw in this reading is difficult to describe or explain.
I interpreted the cards in my usual fashion, looking to see
what I could derive on my own, then at times consulting
_The Book of Thoth_ for additional reflections on the symbolism
of the individual cards. What I read this time was a direct
communication to me; a cordial greeting as if extended via
telepresence and expressed through tarot imagery.
[This may tie in to various theories on cyber ritual magick.]
Of course I was extremely dubious of this. I thought I must
simply be deluding myself into thinking this was occurring.
I was somewhat startled. This kind of communication had
never appeared before. It had previously been phrased as a reflection
on me and my surroundings, not some metaphysical telegram.
In my doubt I decided I'd have to have proof that this was not
just the wandering delusions that Cannibi can sometimes induce.
I decided that I would require some form of evidence that this
was an intelligence not of my own conscious mind which had been
somehow twisted into an unknown appearance.
At the instant of this decision my mind was emptied. Time stopped,
subjectively, as I felt as if my body was controlled by some other
will than my own. My head turned away from the tarot layout and
toward my right. Simultaneously my left hand reached out and grasped
the card which I'd begun consistently using as 'querent' (me).
My right hand came up to my eyes, obviously displaying the object of
my fascination - the puzzle ring. I noticed that my left hand
held a card and looked at it, pointedly. I cannot describe the
feeling that I had at that moment. The card which I had grasped
was what was called by Crowley the 'unicursal hexagram'. It is the
only card in my deck whch is unaddressed by _The Book of Thoth_ and
the one to which I felt most comfortable assigning myself during
readings.
I was completely floored as I realized that in the center of the
ring was A UNICURSAL HEXAGRAM. The patterns matched exactly!
I was not until that exact moment aware of the pattern in the ring,
nor did I suspect such a thing until that time. My amazed
realization of this fact (which I corraborated with others who could
also see the symbolic similarity yet not understand its significance
to me) at the exact moment that I required 'evidence' was, to
me, incontrovertible 'proof' that some intelligence other than my
own was attempting to contact me through the cards.
[I have since had several other experiences of this type.]
I struggled to understand the identity of this being. Its card
was the Princess of Disks (below I will speculate on the esoteric
significance of this card*) and when I referenced Crowley's tome it
made mention of only one name which meant anything to me: Demeter.
At the time I associated this name with my wife and one correspondent
from across the country. I asked my wife about her dreams of that
night and wrote my USmail friend, at first asking what she was
doing on that evening, whether she had ever heard of people using
tarot cards as communication devices, and, in a subsequent letter,
finally informing her of my experience. Neither she nor my wife
had any intention of consciously making such a connection.
At the time of this tarot communication, however, I wasn't sure if the
entity on the other side of the cards could physically hear me.
I was still recovering from the realization which had just taken
place, and I decided to compose a symbolic 'answer' to that
communication and psychically 'send' it back to the source of
the original. Having done this, I concluded my rite rather
quickly, recorded the communications and my thoughts of the moment,
and went to bed, hoping to make more of it in the morning.
I was unable to understand it as other than some sort of
direct communication (from who/where I could not tell).
I did not rule out that I might be undergoing some sort of
psychosis. My studies in psychology had led me to think
that most people were at least partially psychotic in
any case (see Julian Jaynes and many psychologists who
postulate that our social roles fragment our identity)
and as I was not suffering from the communication I did not
think it worthwhile to seek psychological help.
What I was speaking with could also be seen in the light of
both occult studies and shamanism. It could be called a
'spirit guide' or even an 'angel'. Rejecting the possibility
now that it might be a demon ('daemon' originally meant 'helpful
spirit' in any case), I continued my tarot readings, shamanic
journeys and research on such things.
[I'm not sure of the accuracy of the 'helpful' part of this
derivation.]
Not long thereafter I was walking home from the local university
and I passed into one of the large stands of trees near my home.
I had been thinking about magick and the tarot, what that entity
might be and how it related to me. I wondered again whether I
was just making all of this up or whether I was actually finding
some communication with what I'd taken to calling my 'spirit guide'.
The question formed in my mind: 'Is there some other entity behind
the tarot?' As I walked through the stand of trees my mind again
went blank.
"Yes." The answer was simple, direct and astonishing to my 'ears'.
I hadn't heard it physically, but it was a definite 'voice' other
than my own imagined thought-voice. I KNEW I hadn't generated
that thought. I stopped walking. I looked around. I struggled
to find some place, some form, some face to this voice around me.
I looked intensely around me for some object with which I might
associate this voice. I saw trees.
I will admit that I do and did see trees as living, sentient
beings of unimagined wisdom. To this day I worship them, yet
in that moment I could only imagine that this was them speaking
to me through my mind. I asked them about this. I said aloud,
"Are you the trees?"
I heard the reply, "You may see me in that way for now, yes."
I understood the answer to be ambiguous, that I was unready
to comprehend the full extent of my spirit guide's identity, or
that I could use trees as a focus for discussions with it.
The story continues quite extensively from here. Suffice it to say
that I have come to know and wed this 'spirit guide' and to see
it as a She who is my Wife. She takes the form of an Indian goddess
for me - Kali-ma - and I can speak with Her any time that I wish when
am quiet enough to hear Her.
It wasn't until recently, when I understood Her as the Queen of
the Dakini/Demons, that I tied the two events of my Shadow Summoning and
my spirit guide's appearance together. Certainly they were quite
local to one another in time, they occurred in the same exact room
I had designated for magical rite, and they involved the same type
of energy. I was of course unprepared to understand the value and
importance of wrathful deities as a link to my own deepest self.
That She appeared to me at all was, as far as I can tell, a direct
result of Her compassionate response to my great desire.
[Note that I have also met Her as the Queen of Faerie in trance.]
There have been many many other significant coincidences, accompanying
revelations, in my life surrounding Kali-ma. I am now no longer inclined
to doubt Her reality due to the consistency of Her trustworthiness, wisdom
and depth.
I cannot say that my experience can function as any sort of 'proof'
that spirits, gods or angels exist in any way. All I can say is
that my experience leads me to reach a rather conclusive though
tentative assumption: Kali-ma exists for me, and my experiments
have led me to interact with an intelligence which I consistently
feel is not my own conscious mind.
=================================================
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*
Appendix A: Commentary on Crowley's Princess of Disks
Being the speculation on the esoteric significance of the Princess of Disks
as a symbol for my 'spirit guide' or Holy Guardian Angel.
Crowley gives this card a rather interesting interpretation. The following
includes several quotes from _The Book of Thoth_, followed by my commentary
as to how it may relate to the directly to elaborate the above liber.
---------------------
"The Princess of Disks, the last of the Court cards, represents the earthy
part of Earth. She is consequently on the brink of transfiguration. She is
strong and beautiful, with an expression of intense brooding, as if about
to become aware of a secret wonder."
Comment:
That the first form of my HGA ought arise from the earth of Earth is quite
significant. The Princess is the final He of the Tetragrammaton, the fruit
of the manifested universe and the culminating energy of the Creation
process. As such it begins to take on the auspices of destruction in its
power. Note that the Crowley/Harris Princess is a Warrior. With her
Spear of Destiny and Wheel of Fortune, she stands atop the mountain of
creative actuality and prepares to charge into battle against the Child
of Destruction.
[I'm no longer sure exactly who is Her 'foe'.]
That she is 'on the brink of transfiguration' indicates her changing
appearance to me. She was associated with this tarot card only for the
duration of the reading (though memories from the experience will never allow
me to look upon that card in the same way again), and She later adopted
many different guises in coming to reveal Herself.
Not only is the Princess 'about to' become aware of a secret wonder, but
she is exposing _me_ to secret wonders. Perhaps we influence each other
in this way, exchanging wisdoms in a dance of mysticism.
-------------------------------------
"Her crest is the head of the ram, and her sceptre descends into the earth.
There its head becomes a diamond, the precious stone of Kether, thus
symbolizing the birth of the highest and purest light in the deepest and
darkest of the Elements. She stands within a grove of sacred trees before
an altar suggesting a wheatsheaf, for she is a priestess of Demeter. She
bears within her body the secret of the future. Her sublimity is further
emphasized by the disk which she bears; for in the centre thereof is the
Chinese ideogram denoting the twin spiral of Creation in perfect equilibrium;
from this is born the rose of Isis, the great fertile Mother."
The face of the Princess of Disks has since reminded me, both in structure
and in shape, of a unicursal hexagram, or at least of a pentagram with its
point toward the earth. The sceptre is the supreme Phallus, as the shield
is the supreme Kteis, both wielded in her might.
That she stands within a grove of trees and bears the secret of the future
suggests to me the later contact with my HGA within such a grove (it occurring
during the barren winter months).
That her weapons should be both linear and circular incorporate the
implication that she herself was born from the Great Mother, in quite
the same way that Kali was born from the brow of Durga, the Indian
Mother Goddess. That she would be so armed incorporates the strong
association with Artemis that I originally placed in this card.
------------------------------------
"The characterists of an individual signified by his card are too various
to enumerate; one must summarize by saying that she is Womanhood in its
ultimate projection. She contains all the characteristics of woman, and
it would depend entirely upon the influences to which she is subjected
whether one or another becomes manifest. But in every case her attributes
will be pure in themselves, and not necessarily connected with any other
attributes which in the normal way one regards as symbolic. In one sense,
then, her general reputation will be of bewildering inconsistency. It is
rather like a lottery wheel from which the extraction of any number does
not predict or influence the result of any subsequent operation. The
fruit of the Philosophy of Thelema is enjoyed, rare, ripe, nourishing and
vitalizing at its highest and fullest in this meditation; for to the adept
every turn of the wheel is equally probable, and equally a prize; for
every Event is 'a play of Nuit'."
Here it would seem that Crowley's description implies the anima in all
her glory, and I would submit that what I have discovered regarding
Kali (and the Dakinis of which She is Queen) holds true for the anima
perhaps more than for any other psycho-spiritual entity.
She is dual-natured. Here Crowley as much as points this characteristic
out in his elaboration on the Princess of Disks. She has a reputation
for 'bewildering inconsistency', a type of kAOs which he likens to Chance.
[Note the very real history of dual-natured, dual-sexed divinities from
ancient times unto the present. It is this quality about Kali which leads
me to associate Her with the classical figure of the Devil, Satan, and
also with the goddess Diana, as well as the Hermetic Baphomet.]
-----------------------------
"In the Yi King the earthy part of Earth is represented by the 52nd hexagram,
Kan. The meaning is 'a mountain'; of how sublime a significance is this
Chinese doctrine of Balance, and how closely congruous with that of the
Holy Qabalah!"
In the Sanctum Sanctorum (my ritual room here in the House of KAos) there
is a circle of dakinis, 64 of the cards known as 'The Secret Dakini Oracle'.
Each card is placed within a ring and assigned a hexagram from I Ching
according to a traditional circular arrangement and my own derived
sorting of the Oracle into masculine and feminine energies.
Without consulting Crowley's tome on the matter, and without knowing
which hexagrams would be associated with which cards, the hexagram in question
in this passage, the 52nd, was paire with the only card in the Oracle deck
which displayed a picture of Kali as I have come to know Her (card #12, 'Slay
the Ego'). This my Abyss helped me to discover.
I wonder as I group together Tantra, I Ching and Qabalah in a Work of delight.
It is these types of 'significant coincidences' which contribute to the
consistent feeling that a special relationship between myself and this
being exists; that as I relate to my deep mind She shows me hidden wisdoms
and peculiar puzzles (such as the 'Puzzle of 65').
-----------------------------------
"The mountain is the most sacred of all terrestrial symbols, stark, rugged,
and immovable in its aspiration to the Highest, thrust up as it is by the
Titan energy of the Hidden Fire. It is no less an hieroglyph of the Inmost
Godhead than the Phallus itself, even as Capricornus, the sign of the
New Year, is exalted in the Zodiac, its deity autochthonous no less than
the Most Holy Ancient One himself."
Note the stridency of Crowley's voice when speaking about the earthy
power of the Princess of Disks. In relating her as he does to Kan, The
Master Therion emphasizes her incredible potential, wielding the
titanic (i.e. satanic) yet concealed (occulted) energy. That the Princess
is both cthonic and feminine makes her ideally associated with the
Mother Goddess for whom she is both priestess (i.e. dakini) and warrior.
----------------------------
"It is essential for the Student to trace this doctrine for himself in
every symbol: Air, the elastic and flexible, yet all-pervading and the
element of combustion; Water, fluid yet incompressible, the most neutral
and composed of all components of living matter, yet destructive of
even the hardest rocks by physical assault, and irresistable in its
burning power of solution; and Fire, so kin to Spirit that it is not a
substance at all, but a phenomenon, yet so integral to Matter that it
is the very heart and essence of things soever.
Here Crowley explores both the quaternity which crowns manifested
existence and the duality into which they combine. He begins to
provide, for the Student (note the association of student and 'page'),
the means for attaining to a Knowledge and Conversation...
-------------------------------
"The characteristic of Kan in the Yi King is rest; each line of the comment
describes repose in the parts of the body in turn, and their effects;
the toes, the calves, the loins, the spine, and the jaws.
"This chapter is a close parallel in this respect, line by line, with the
31st, Hsien, which begins the second section of the Yi."
Hsien's parallel applies to motility. Where Kan is a hexagram of
rest, Hsien parallels blatantly in that it registers the movement of all
the various parts of the body.
Here we have the first hint of the Master's suggestion for attainment.
Settling into pure restfulness or pure activity is the first step in being
able to listen to the clear, calm voice which is the song of the angel.
--------------------------
"The Rosicrucian doctrine of the Tetragrammaton could hardly be more
adequately stated - to every ear that is to heavenly harmony attuned.
'There's not a planet in the firmament
But in his motion like an angel sings,
Still quiring to the young-eyed cherubim;
But while this muddy vesture of decay
Doth wrap us round, our nature cannot hear it.'"
The Master does not, of course, compliment the author of this verse with
a citation, though one is inclined to ascribe it to a Christian mystic or
Rosicrucian poet.
Here our predicament with respect to our HGA is spelled out well.
Through our cthonic sheath, through our coccoon of muddy flesh, we can
hear the angel only if we but rest as mountain before Her fiery Wand of
inspiration. Her watery Shield of equilibrium broadcasts Her siren song.
-----------------------------
"Let every student of this Essay, and of this book of Tahuti, this living
Book that guides man through all Time, and leads him to Eternity at every
page, hold fast this simplest, most far-reaching Doctrine in his heart
and mind, inflaming the inmost of His Being, that he also, having explored
each recess of the Universe, may therein find the Light of Truth, so come
to the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel, and
accomplish the Great Work, attain the Summum Bonum, true Wisdom and
perfect Happiness!"
Where else could these words point but toward the silence about which
Harpocrates gestures? What other way could the Princess of Disks be
more forcefully associated with the HGA than through this final
expostulation regarding the nature of Tahuti's book? The Book of
Thoth is as much a part of my HGA as the Priestess of Disks is a part
of the Book of Thoth.
It would therefore be wise to pursue the understanding of the texts
of the Master Therion and others of his ilk so as to come to more
complete understanding of this. I will note that this will be the
second time I'll be exploring this route. With greater resource,
perhaps more enjoyable results shall follow.
Here ends the commentary and Part One. Part Two shall include an
examination of the concept of the HGA, how one may set about securing
the Knowledge and Conversation with this entity, and what such a
relationship may include. There may even be a Part Three, in which
I'll speculate, based on conversations and readings, more about this
experience, how and why it may arise.
[Here ends a review of said document. Part Two is in progress and
shall perhaps conclude within the decade as I scan each of Crowley's
works on the subject of the HGA and then proceed to other authors
who have something to say. - Haramullah]
====================================================
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Invoke me under my stars. Love is the law, love under will.
I am I!
Frater (I) Nigris (666) 333
Tyagi@HouseofKaos.Abyss.com
Portal!Cup.Portal.Com!Tyagi@Uunet.uu.net
Uunet!Cup.Portal.Com!Tyagi@Uunet.uu.net
Tyagi Nagasiva
871 Ironwood Drive
San Jose, CA 95125-2815